Alexithymia by Chontelle Shirk
Medium: Pencil and ink drawings on cardboard, shaped into 30 pieces to form a larger image See below for more details
Size: 3 ft by 3 ft (ish)
Artist statement:
Mira detras de ti.
Recuerda que tu eres un hombre.
Recuerda que tu vas a morir.
Alexithymia is a greek word that means “not having words for feelings” (Merriam Webster Dictionary 2016)
Artist Statement:
“Every life is a piece of art put together with all means available.” – Pierre Janet
A human being is a verb, not a noun. We are meant to move. We are destined to change and transform, to learn as we grow, so that we can transcend the “who” that we were years, days, and minutes before. The “who” that I am today is made up of the many pieces that I was in the past. There are no “good” or “bad” pieces, just different experiences and people that have assisted in molding me into the woman I am today. Today I honor my inner self.
Mira detras de ti.
Recuerda que tu eres un hombre.
Recuerda qu tu vas a morir.
Thank you. July 7, 2024
When I first sat down to think about what I wanted to draw for this year I had a difficult time. I was thinking inside a very small box by attempting to produce a single illustration that united all that I am. I could not do it. I had to crawl out of that box and look into the world around me. What I came up with is Alexithymia.
All parts of me have been symbolized on the single pieces of the puzzle. As a disclaimer, I must inform you that on pieces seven and nine are drawings of my son and mother. However, to protect their identity and privacy, I’ve altered their image. I’ve also done this with the portrait of me. Aside from some identity being changed all the images are a true representation of me in my life.
I will not go into detail about what every piece means to me, I was going to, but because I found that it really does not matter. Alexithymia has showed me to distinguish and appreciate the shades of Gray.
I’ve learned from people who have put this puzzle together before that does not matter because it is not my story that makes the puzzle art. It is how others relate to the puzzle that is important.
Every person that sees it, pick out one or two pieces that resonates the most with them. Not just in a way that they like the image on the piece, but in a way that the image pulls feelings from them.
The first time I saw this happened I was in the common room working on fitting the pieces together better and the lady came up to the table.
This lady spent a minute or so, so looking at each piece. When her eyes fell on peace number 28 she took a deep breath, placed her hand on her chest, and water filled her eyes.
A couple of tears rolled down her face. I asked her what was wrong. With a Spanish accent, she said, “no… No, they are tears of joy.” She provided me with the explanation.
This lady told me that her daughter who is autistic would always be dancing around the house with her music in her ears. She told me that the symbol for autism is a puzzle piece. She smiled as she told me that the peace number 28 was her daughter.
After that, every time I was in the common room working on the puzzle, another woman came to me, picked out her piece, and told me how it made her feel or think about. I was able to connect with others, and the puzzle not only meant so much to me, but to others as well.
I did have some problems along the way because of the limits of the safety scissors I had to use. I told my Sally many times through this process that I would give my left leg for a normal pair of scissors. You will see that not all the pieces fit together perfect, this is because not long after starting to use the safety sitters, they will not cut, they shred paper. I had to hack at the pieces, then use an emery board to file the side, smooth.
I did not want to distort my portrait so I had to let it as it is. There is more to Alexithymia than being perfect.
When I set out on this project, I said some goals and the way it is meets all of my goals and more.
I hope you can have fun with this. I hope you find the peace that brings you joy. I hope that this help helps letsgetfree reach its goals. I am thankful to have letsgetfree to inspire and challenge me. Your organization works so hard to create change and I’m proud to be a very small part of that.
List of materials used
32 number two pencils
27 rolls of scotch tape
11 Emery boards.
Six safety scissors.
30 drawing pads for paper and cardboard backs.
30 file folders
15 9 x 12 envelopes.
4 black ink pens,
18 peanut butter pies.
(I am allowed to order only two rolls of tape a week from commissary. So I made peanut butter pies and sold them for rolls of tape. If I did not do this, I would have not been able to collect all the tape needed to cover every piece of this puzzle.)
Titles
1. To Stupid to breathe
2. Suppression
3. Flower child
4. I love you. You are all that exist on the Earth and under the sky that I do love.
5. Om Tare Tam Soha (please be aware of me; remove whatever obstacles I’m here to face)
6. Even broken hearts can fly.
7. In everything I see
8. Uncage
9. Mother Mary
10. Leo
11. My body made you
12. 6676.
13. Shadow of your soul
14. Beast
15. Belligerence
16. Clarks Valley
17. The places I have come to love the most
18. Wasted water is all it is…
19. In permanent
20. Drainage.
21. Forgetting is what defines me
22. Implausibility of the design
23. Just take 600 mg six times a day
24. I do!
25. Shadow queen
26. The portal
27. Undomesticated.
28. Blood singing through veins determined melody of rebellion
29. Buddha
30. Chattel
The Process
When I sat down on May 12, 2024 to think about what I wanted to draw for this year’s lets get free art show theme “this is me” I could not imagine a single image that symbolize to who I am.
There are many pieces of me and Idea was born. I wanted to show the pieces of me that make up the person I am today. I wanted it to also be something others could have fun with. The thought of making a puzzle was challenging, but I knew it would be something I could be proud of. I did not know how much it would help me change the way I feel about the parts of me I don’t like.
Here are the steps I took to make a puzzle that the individual pieces come together to form a portrait of me.
The process.
1. I did three drawings of myself using a “Funhouse” mirror from commissary to decide to pose I wanted to use for the portrait of myself.
2. Made a list of past events that helped mold me into who I am today.
3. Made a list of personality traits I wanted to represent.
4. Made a list of parts of myself. I do not like.
5. I had decided on a shape and size to make the puzzle. I wanted it to be large so I could fit as many things from the list I made as possible. I picked one of the tables in the common area on my housing unit.
6. I taped paper together to be the size and shape of the table to use as a template.
7. I drew the outline of my portrait on a smaller map of the puzzle.
8. I drew the lines of my face on the template.
9. I drew out the puzzle pieces.
10. I made a small map of the large template. I needed a small image to help me put together the single pictures and the placement of the images I was forming in my mind.
11. I went over the lines of my portrait on the large template with an ink, pen, then cut up the template into the puzzle pieces.
12. I trace the pieces onto white paper, cut them out, and put them back together. I had to make sure I was able to form the original size in shape. It worked!
13. I trace the template pieces again, adding the face lines from the original drawing, then set them to the side.
14. I drew a tone portrait on another small map of the puzzle.
15. I took the pieces I had Traisaun filled in the dark and use as a reference when developing the drawings for the individual pieces.
16. I traced another set of all 30 pieces, then set them to the side.
17. I used a blank small map and the list I made and came up with an image for each piece.
18. I got the last set of the pieces I traced out and sketch the images for each piece, keeping in mind the areas that need to be dark and light. That need to be dark and light.
19. I collected 30 cardboard back, trace the pieces and cut them out.
20. Traced another set of pieces using the sketches started drawing the images. The first row I drew were 6 to 10.
21. Once I had the first five pieces done I did pieces one to five
22. Next I did pieces 11 to 15.
23. When the first 15 pieces were drawn, I take them to the file folder and cut them out.
24. Then I tape the drawn and cut pieces to the cardboard I prepared before then covered them with strips of scotch tape.
25. I added another layer of file folders.
26. When I started drawing the bottom half of the puzzle, I chose to work on pieces 26 to 30 and work my way up to the finished pieces.
27. I repeated the process and did for the first 15 pieces.
28. When all the pieces were done I added the blanket paper to the back of each piece.
29. I numbered and named each image.
30. I put everything together and now I wait to see what will happen.
Image description: A set of 30 drawings in the shape of puzzle pieces, which combine to form a larger drawing of a face. The smaller details form complex areas of light and dark and depict different aspects of the artist’s life and feelings
